I am who I am is a poem that I wrote after a therapy session. It came from a honest, open and vulnerable place, one that I didn’t plan on experiencing roughly a hour prior to writing those words. However after releasing it I realized that it was very much necessary and enlightening for me, sometimes I don’t know how I feel until I read what I wrote.
Lets get back to how this beautiful body of work came about.. I was on a call with my therapist and she asked me a very simple question. “Who was Rashidah before hair”? I paused, said a quick prayer for the Holy Spirit to reveal it to me because in the flesh I felt stuck when she said it. Moments later I blurred out, “I was into fashion and writing poetry, but I’m not sure if thats really who I am anymore or if it matters”. It’s funny how we tend to think that certain parts of our past have no connection to the adult that we become. She reassured me that it is indeed still in me and apart of me by saying that she recognized those very things in me. Without rebuttal or denial I listened and reflected. We continued to talk about different parts of me and how I sometimes experience highs and lows (which I’m now accepting is a part of me and somehow brings me balance.)
I can honesty say that I left the session feeling lighter, encouraged and centered. Sometimes we just need to just let go, let things flow and listen. Listen to God, listen to your heart, listen to your spirit, listen to the positive affirmations we receive and accept what you hear without challenging it - even when you are the one speaking about You! That day she spoke to the girl in me that I didn’t realize was waiting to come to the surface. So, after the call I reflected on all that I’ve felt, all that I thought about myself and I remember one part of the session where she said “you get to be both”. Those words ring like a loud bell in my ear. So I sat still in the car aka my office and this is what came out ..
I am magic and a mess
I am manifesting and second guessing
I am whole and broken
I am a child of God and still human
I am a healer and I am hurt
I am strong and I am weak
I am a voice and I am voiceless
I am empowered and I am a afraid
I am a prayer warrior and I am tired
I am light worker and I too need light
I am driven and I lack direction
I am leader and I am a follower
I am at peace and I am bothered
I am teaching and I am learning
I am free and I am enslaved
I am who God has called me to be yet I am still asking why me
I am who I am
I am who all of these things, I have great days and I have bad days. I have highs and lows all in the same day. I motivate many and lack self motivation at times. I am not perfect and I am learning that I can have different parts of myself while still showing up to do the work that will make me better. I have chosen to press on when it’s hard, to challenge myself to simply Be exactly who I am in that moment. To feel it, accept it, reflect on it then do the work to be better in the areas that aren’t aligning with the woman that I am becoming.
I am who I am ..
A mess within the masterpiece
- Rashidah 🌻